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eh…

I am still having a rough time of it. I want to be anywhere but here. Okay, I want to be floating in a huge hot bath listening to smooth jazz and meditating on freedom.

Between the stress and horrible eating choices I’ve been making, I am not sleeping well and I’ve landed somewhere I’ve not been in a while. In the middle of a flair. I know I have shared the Spoon Theory before but a good friend mslindz recently diagnosed with Fibromyalgia has written an excellent personal account.

I know I am partly to blame for why I am in such as state. I know I can’t eat crappy food, but rarely. I know I do so much better when I am eating consciously and not carrying so much weight. I do so much better when I am moving. I have a feeling that I’ve gained 10 -15 pounds in the last month, going up yet another pant size. In other words, I have gained every single pound that I had lost, rather steadily in the past year.

I know I can’t do anything about the stress at work besides quit. Not going to happen. A) I love my job. I have never had one that uses my talents so well. B) Jobs with such extremely flexible hours are non-existent. C) Not to mention the excellent pay and lack of dress code. I can suck in up for a couple more months, when I’ll get the budget to hire folks and a raise.

What do I need to do? Stop being a weenie, get my butt to Weight Watchers and go hardcore on the Core.

I did it on my own once (lost 75 – 80 pounds), but I think I need the support of a group, this time around. And I know a couple people coughRobcough who could come with me.

So this sized 24 chica is going to go to the WW meeting next Wednesday in Groton at 4. (Would go tomorrow but have made plans already)

We have a windfall coming in the next couple of weeks (how we are getting the new car’s down payment) and I think part of it needs to go to a freezer so I can start freezing serving sized portions again. One of the reasons we’ve been eating so much fast food is because I just don’t want to cook when I come home feeling like shit even when I have a meal plan. And I am definitely going with the large veggie/fruit box bi-weekly.

And another excellent blog entry from another friend not on LJ. What Are You Manifesting? I just had to share.

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10 Responses

  1. coughRobcough… chuckle
    I need to lose weight too. My dumb meds aren’t helping me any…
    Good Luck!

    • Well Kristie is comin’ too. Rob and I have actually talked about it. Since losing a bit around the tummy would probably help his sleep apnea.

  2. Thank you for this entry. There’s definitely a lot to be said for “You are what you eat.” You eat crap, you feel like crap. It’s all what you put into it.
    I am overweight too. I am a size 18/20 now… pretty much the biggest I’ve ever been. I once lost about 80lbs too (in highschool), but then over the years gained it all back. I did WW around this time last year, and lost about 30lbs. I have gained about 20-25 of that back 😦
    You had given me a push to do something. I am experiencing a lot of changes lately in my life, and I think this will have to be another.

  3. Just wanted to say I sympathize. Weight seems to be one of my own uphill battles. You’re showing some great determination to make peace and do something good for yourself! I wish you luck. And I’d be interested to hear how Weight Watchers does or doesn’t work for you.

  4. I just started on WW last week! I did it earlier this year and lost a little, but I’m going to the meetings now. I’m hoping that the better eating habits will really help. I’m on flex right now, but thinking about eventually switching to core, slowly. Good luck!
    FYI – there is a WW Ravelry group, too. I can send you the link if you like πŸ™‚

  5. May you have all the spoons you need.

  6. Sorry that this is one of those bad days. 😦
    It is so easy to eat stuff that is bad for us when there isn’t time to cook healthy. I hope WW can help you find easy to fix delish meals. Also crocking a few times a week might help with the time issue…sending Reiki tonight.
    Ruinwen
    πŸ™‚

  7. Hey. I just wanted to thank you. I took that “what are you manifesting” to heart. I have been in a weird apatjetic hell of feeling like I should be dying and despairing of ever getting on track.
    I also have been inspired to look into calorie trackers, and picked up one of those Prevention magazines. I’m going to be more aware of what I’m putting in my body.

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