I know it’s been a while…

I haven’t been on LJ besides a flyby here and there for the past 10 days. So I have a bit of catching up to do.

My Bloglines list has kept me rather busy. I have also been trying (and failing) to keep up with my podcasts.

It’s been a sorta rough time, a sorta eh time, a sorta lazy time, sorta ah ha time and a sorta interesting time.

I’ll try to share about a bit of each and not be too boring.

Let’s start with rough… there is money tightness, not as bad as it has been but it could be better. I actually let us go out to eat, Outback, but I wasn’t hungry that night so the bill was half the norm. So worked out great. There is also my fibro, I honestly haven’t had issues in quite a while and definitely not this sorta achey, sorta yucky, rather draggy for days and days and days. I don’t like it. I just want to sleep and sleep which I can’t because A. I am a mom. and B. Rob works nights. I’ve also been craving a lot of protein and haven’t done much about it. Gotta grab some peanut butter, steak and beans next time we go grocery shopping. We are mainly pantry diving (with a mostly stocked pantry but low freezer) which means a lot of carbs. Having Kung Po Chicken for lunch, hopefully that will stave the cravings for today. The last roughness (no pun intended) is poor Ryne’s skin. He has horrible eczema during the winter. We can watch every morsel of food that passes his lips (he’s allergic to milk protiens) and yet he is covered in eczema. It’s like a switch was flipped on Nov. 15. I think it’s because he lived in shorts until that point and once we started covering his body with clothes it’s been no holds barred. My baby is suffering. I have to cut his nails to the quick to keep him from scratching himself scabby. He’s got a couple patches on his face, his torso – neck to groin – is covered, behind the elbows and knees are the worst. I am gratful that he’s got none between his fingers or toes. He just wants to be naked when he’s home which is tough because we keep the heat rather low to save money. I am hoping once we get the plastic on the windows we can afford a few more degrees on the thermostat. I’m out of chickweed salve and need to find a new supplier. We are almost out of tea tree soap as well. I’d love to find a place that sells them both.

Next we’ll go with eh… As I mentioned before Rob works nights. Friday – Tues, we see Rob for 30 mins (90 mins if we are lucky) but it’s usually 30, unless I am awake at 1am and I try very hard not to be awake at 1am. Ryne has gotten into the habit of falling asleep on the couch at night so that Daddy will put him to bed when he gets home from work. Very cute. Rob & Ryne hang a bit in the morning when Rob drives him to daycare, so that is good. But that cuts into Rob’s sleep. Just need to get used to the new schedule, which could change in a week or be like this for the next year. I am fine with that, we just need to figure out how to make it work. How to split chores again and how to make the most of our time together. Last night Rob and I played (while Ryne watched) a couple hours of Marvel Alliance and just hung out on the couch and snacked on Chinese take out (a splurge we probably can’t afford but we kept it basic.) It’s also eh… because it just that time of year. I have mild seasonal affective disorder, nothing severe. It just takes time for me to get used to the lack of light and time outside. I just turn all the lights on when I get home and hope for the best. I am lucky that my desk at work is in the window but I don’t get direct light, but at least it’s bright. (I will post a picture some day.)

The lazy… well, I touched a bit on it with the fibro and SAD, but my housekeeping and knitting is suffering. I am hoping for a bright weekend to encourage me to do the general cleaning – you know degreasing/scrubbing stove top, sanitizing bathroom (reminder: make more tub scrub) and mop/dust mop floors. We also need to plastic the windows. Especially the left side of the house. There are 7 windows, mainly without storm windows on that side. Still trying to decide if I will cover all the windows or leave the pantry (back of house) uncovered so there is one window I can open if needed.

My ah ha moments these last few weeks have been silly to interesting. Silly includes – how much I love flannel pants. I think I am going to have a couple pairs of patchy pants made for me from preshrunk flannel so that I can lounge in them a lot. I bought 2 pair of men’s pj pants and am dreading washing them because I know they are going to shrink and not be as roomy. Oh well. Other ah ha moments included the decision that I will no longer feel guilty about regency and vampire novels. I need my escape just like the next person. Knitting (and bread making) is my meditation and reading is my entertainment. I don’t watch 3-4 hours of TV a night, I read. It’s good. It’s also that time of year when I get really bored with my job. Still so overwhelmed that I just can’t take it, so I don’t. And I can’t wait for the week off between Xmas and New Years. Should be a good time – Ryne, Rob and I will just hang out, eat well (cause I can start dinner at 3 instead of 6) and just decompress before the new year brings it’s new challenges and adventures.

The bankruptcy is just about done. We are just waiting for the discharge. Then we start over. Make new plans, new financial goals (and life goals) and fine tune a real budget.

No resolutions per se, but here are a few decisions that I have made.

It’s time to chop the hair, the curls must be free. No dyes for at least 6 months.

I need to go back to a daily paper journal, even if it’s just another little notebook in my bag (cough, cough, moleskine, cough).

I need to start writing fiction again, even if it’s just smut or the next great American novel or a regency romance or an essay, lol.

I need to lose 60 – 70 pounds before I turn 40. I don’t want to deal with weight related issues on top of my family medical history (cancer, diabetes, high bp, etc.). I lost 60 pounds before and I take another 60 off.

I will step out of my comfort zone and will attend a Quaker Meeting. I will also attend another UU meeting or 3. I generally need to continue to search for more community. i.e. seek other punk hippie mommas.

I will learn to spin (and buy a Babe Production Double Treadle so I don’t have to pay $20 (or more) an ounce for yummies like Wild Things or Spring Lime.

I will continue to meditation on intention & simplicity. And learn more about intention manifestation.

I will carry my camera in my bag.

I will find joy every day.

I will dance.

Knitting:

1 hoodie (long past due) – back (3/4 done), sleeves & hood
3 of 5 dishcloths (due Nov. 30) – not started
2 beanies (due asap) – A. 3/4 done b. 1/2 done
finish 2nd Fetching (due asap) – 1/2 done
1 pair of mittens (end of Jan) – not started

My Socks – stalled
Ryne’s Socks – stalled

Horoscope:

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): It’s Adopt-a-Gemini Week. That means it would be a favorable time for you to divorce your real parents and hook up with some new, better ones. If you like your original mother and father OK but still want some additional nurturing, think about looking for a mentor. Strike up a dialogue with a potential sugar daddy or sugar mama. See if you can track down your very own spin doctor, grant-writer, or stuntperson. In short, my lovable and cuddly friend, ask the universe to send you guardian angels who understand you at least as well as you understand yourself.

**Dear Universe, I need a sugar mama. Or a thwack over the head to take better care of the friends I currently have. Love, Me.**

Poem:

I Drop My Fears

I drop my fears into your ocean
and watch them sink from sight.
I place my fears on your broad Earth
and see them rot away.
I put my fears into your hands
and they are no more.
When you offer your arms to me,
Great Mother,
your hands hold nothing but love.

– Ceisiwr Serith

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One Response

  1. Let me know if there are any vampire books you’re looking to read. I collect. I also collect trashy romances, and pretty much anything else I can get my hands on. My spare room is much like a library. :0)
    Also, after the holidays madness is eased off, I’d love to get people together to do writing days. was interested, and a few other people, so hopefully it’ll work out. You’d be more than welcome to join in! November ended up being too hectic for me to try to get people together, so, heck, let’s just do it for the fun of it.

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